Slightly exclusive interview with new indie sensations

The No-Marks may be the newest band on the scene since the last one, but will they really be able to push into new areas?

'Well we're playing Lowestoft for the first time next week.'

It's lead vocalist, Clark Clarksonby.

'Some critics have said that we're nothing more than a cross between Nirvana and The Massed Bands of the Royal Highland Fusiliers.  That's a very one-dimensional view.'

But aren't you a very one-dimensional band?

'No.'

Vexed bassist, Gary Pink.

'The No-Marks are simply the sound of a porpoise in a ditch, or a cablecar being pulled along the M1 by a giant ocelot.'

'You're wrong there.'

Guitarist extraordinaire, Bob Loam.

'Hold on, mate.  I don't consider myself a guitarist.'

But surely you play the guitar?

'I hold the guitar and my spirit plays it.'

Has your spirit ever considered tuning up beforehand?

'That would make us sound too safe, too conventional, too..what's the word...?'

'I don't know.'

Toothless drummer, Milton Winterbaum.

'Hello.'

Why, I wondered, did they decide to call themselves The No-Marks?

'Because there's no one in the band called Mark.'

'What did you say?'

Erratic xylophonist, Mark Hoist.

'Originally we were going to be called Womack & Womack, but we discovered there was another band called that.'

Simple.  They see their new EP as embracing a kind of negative optimism, a rejection of both conformity and non-conformity, and yet an acceptance of both, though not at the same time.

'Exactly.'

A silence descends.  It's awe-inspiring.  It's the sound of The No-Marks, except with the music taken away.  Perhaps, all things considered, it should be.