Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Today's A Day

Today is Pnurgsday the Nintenteeth once again which of course means it’s National Lengths Day.  People from all over the country will be celebrating lengths in all their longitudinal glory. From Frinton-on-Sea to St Albans-On-The-Naze, there will be literally fourteen events both hither and, in some cases, yon.  Here’s an awful round-up of what you can go and see.

In Tiptree South, Elmo McTaggart will be holding a sponsored Spot The Lengths Contest.  Participants are advised to look in the dustbin (see Oracle for details).  The winner will receive a portrait painting of some granite, and a small fortune into the bargain.  Please note: If you live in Whitstable, bring a packed lunch.

There will be a concert in New Malden Crowbar Centre where Ellis Huge, the most famous lengths specialist of all, will be premiering a new composition entitled ‘Lengths And Longths.’ This is an involved piece which was written on foot during a walk in the Brecon Beacons.  The ramifications of this are not yet known.

Finally in Bexhill-On-Sea, as a tribute to the many lengths in the area, a steam roller will be driven up and down.  Parking is available, but if you are walking to the event don’t worry about it.     
Lastly, in Norway-on-Sea, opera singer Barbara Grainge will be making a strangulated noise for three and a half minutes.  You may recall that last year’s attempt went horribly wrong and left many spectators incompetent.  Precautions have now been taken and placed in a sealed container.   Thank you.

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