Polevaulting

Today’s blog is all about polevaulting. What is it? What was it? And why is it?

Polevaulting was invented during the war by acclaimed inventor Professor G. Tukesby.  On discovering that by mistake one evening he had invented a long pole, he was at a loss as to how it could be of value.  It was only when he was chased by a goat the next day and used it to vault over a fence that he sensed a way forward and ultimately, a way upward.  He discussed the situation with a neighbour in his local bar the following Monday.  ‘A bar!’ he allegedly exclaimed. ‘They could vault over a bar!’   Tukesby went away and that night created the very first ‘polevaulting bar.’  Anxious to use it, the Professor and his neighbour began polevaulting in the front garden, and before long a crowd had assembled, all eager to have a go. 

Since then polevaulting competitions (and contests) have been held in places as far afield as Cambridgeshire, Londonshire and The Isle of Manshire.  Nowadays it is rare to attend any dinner party without a quick polevaulting spree in the garden afterwards.  In his book Polevaulting And You, Reg Chipforks points out that poles should be made of aluminium or fibreglass, and that poles made of plasticine or string are nowhere near as effective.  He also advises the use of the outdoors when attempting to polevault, rather than a kitchen or laundromat.

Attributes such as speed, agility and strength are useful in polevaulting, although cheating and skulduggery are possibly even more important.   In modern competitions, NH denotes ‘No Height’ when a vaulter has failed, and NPC denotes ‘No Point Continuing’ when a competitor has died. During a longer game, marks may be awarded for longitude, although a certain amount of latitude can be given (up to 4%).  If a pole is broken during a competition the pole is said to be ‘broken’ and a ‘mender’ is called.

Unlike the high jump, polevaulting is unlike the high jump.  It is similarly nothing like the wide jump and only a buffoon would confuse it with the far jump.  It is also not true that all pole-vaulters emit a foul stench.  This was a rumour which originated from The Anti-Polevaulting League in the mid-eighties.  This organisation is now defunct, as are the mid-eighties. 

The popularity of polevaulting is now widespread, and enjoyed by people, animals, harpists, tramps, nuns, oligarchs, hobgoblins and the obese.  Why not give it a try today?     

  

art

I've been doing a lot of weird drawing so here is some of them.

I'm not much of a blogger

I'm not much of a blogger.

fractured blog

This is a fractured blog

Bits and pieces of sentences and phrases that emerge from my fractured brain

The Plinths have done a new pop video inspired by the John Hughes film The Breakfast Club you can watch it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa0F4R7jW1w

That was a good film

I wonder what I am doing here

I wonder what you are doing there

Recently I have been doing a lot of weird cartoons and sketchings which you can see on my instagram account

I have now stopped doing them

I wonder what  I am doing here

I wonder what you are doing there

Our recent DredgeLand podcast can be heard somewhere

Probably best to go and have a look at DredgeLand.com

It is really stupid

Apparently I wasn’t loud enough

I am too quiet

You can hear the final instalment of our sports-based adventure serial Cram and Coe

We have finished it as I can’t be bothered to write any more

I am currently watching every episode of The Goodies ever made. Of the 15 episodes I have seen so far only two have been any good

The rest have been bad

Mark is working on some new Plinths arrangements

I say arrangements, he’s putting a bit more guitar on them

I wonder what  I am doing here

I wonder what you are doing there

The sky is pink

My legs are puce

DredgeLand are doing another of our radio shows on wandsworth radio on thursday at 7pm

It will be a load of incoherent babbling and records

I don’t like people walking behind me

I don't like people walking in front of me

I wonder what I am doing here

I wonder what you are doing there

This blog is at an end

The End

See?

Today's schedule

Today’s schedule:
2.am get up
2.01 go back to bed when I’ve realised it’s too early
3am get up again...
3.01 see 2.01
4am get up again
4.01 prayer time
4.02 argue on phone with vicar for not being up at 4.01
4.03 prayer time (by myself)
4.05 breakfast
8.05 finish breakfast
8.06 pre-workout workout
8.20 workout
8.40 post-workout workout
8.42 post-workout meal
10.42 post-meal snack
10.43 open post
10.45 post open-post workout
11 shower
11.15 post-shower shower
12 cryo chamber recovery
12.10 post-cryo chamber recovery
12.20 lunch
14.00 family time
14.01 post family time snack
15.00 work calls/meetings
15.01 post traumatic stress disorder
15.15 workout 2
1600 post-workout workout 2
16.12 workout 2 nottingham forest 1
16.15 pick up kids from school
16.20 remember I don’t have kids
16.25 wonder who’s kids I have picked up from school
16..30 return kids to school
16.35 dinner/family time/meetings/work calls/workout/post workout work call workout
1700 bed
17.01 post-bed sleep
1715 cryo chamber post-bed sleep recovery workout

New video by John Dredge and The Plinths out today!

John Dredge & The Plinths release a new video for the track 'Learn To Ignore' today, taken from their debut, 'The Emergency EP'.

 

Learn To Ignore video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2PDPogDINE

 

This is the follow-up to 'Going Down' and ‘Rose Tinted Glasses’ which were featured on radio stations and podcasts around the country, notably on Dandelion Radio and Iain Lee's Talk Radio show. Louder Than War called the EP ‘highly recommended for lovers of power pop and hummable ditties, ’ referring to Learn to Ignore as ‘the real nugget in the collection.’  The new video was created by John and co-songwriter Mark Hibbett, and is the latest in a series of short films by the duo. Previous films have been shown at LOCO and Kino London by accident.

 

 

'The Emergency EP' is available on iTunes, Amazon, and all download sites, as well as directly from the band via their Bandcamp site  http://johndredgetheplinths.bandcamp.com.

 

"Sounding great - I LOVE breezy pop!" - Danny Baker
"Too good for words!" - Aron Smith, ShmuFM

Dredge's Dictionary

Today in Dredge's Dictionary we're up to C which stands for Cardboard Containers, Charles In Charge and of course CAR PARKS.

Car Parks

Car parks were invented in 1801 by Brian Carparks who lived in a shed near an allotment.

One day Brian noticed a car driving down a road.  The next day he noticed a local park.  Putting the two together was a stroke of genius.  The first car park was basic in form, permitting only one car to park at a time.  From these humble beginnings, however, car parks were to flourish.  Or were they? 

The 'Nash Car Park' was so-called because Brian had been forced to go into business with Rice Krispie heir Eric Nash, who later went on to die.  Spacious yet no good, it paved the way for less rubbish designs. 

Here we see the more modern car park, with it's special iron girders and fancy pillars and that.  Cars of all shapes and sizes are now able to access this type of car park, although triangular vehicles are still spurned.  This has led to protests by the head of Triangular Autos and Audio Ltd, Rick Gnitts, seen here within a van. 

Despite this sort of jiggery-pokery, car parks are very much in the vanguard of the modern day thing.  And it's not too fanciful to suggest that in 2018, car parks are here to stay. Or are they?  Goodbye.